His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
