ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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