i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Found your dick twin last night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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