i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
