I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
