I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
