great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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