why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
