just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
