who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
