I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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