Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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