she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
