I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
