For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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