we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
