I need help removing her.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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