do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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