I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
