What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
