I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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