Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
