We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
