Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
