Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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