I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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