Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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