weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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