Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
