What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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