even my farts smell like vagina
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
