Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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