Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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