Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
