you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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