I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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