Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
