no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
