just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
