i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
