fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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