She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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