party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
