okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
