nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
