He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
