the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
