Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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