I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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