we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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