apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
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i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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