Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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