I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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