Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
