There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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