he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
