Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
