This is not my ceiling
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
