we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
