so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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