You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
