You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
