Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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