its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
