My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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