I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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