nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
