I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
