Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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