i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This baby is an asshole
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
