My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
